When You Start Dating Someone, Be Careful From the Very Beginning

We met online. He messaged me on Instagram, and we started talking. We didn’t live in the same country, he was 10 hours by car. But we talked almost every day, and it was going perfectly.

We had the same interests, a lot to talk about, he was funny and smart. He was sending me images and videos from wherever he was, we were getting to know each other. We matched sexually too. I liked to be dominant, he liked to be submissive, and flirting and sexting worked great.

After a few months, we met. We went to parties, got drunk, spent the night together. Everything was super-romantic, like a movie.

When he left, after an hour he sent me a message that he had already missed me.

The day after, everything fell apart. And I didn’t have a clue what was happening.

He started ghosting me, he was distant. I thought that he probably didn’t enjoy my company and wasn’t interested as I was. I tried to keep a distance too. I didn’t write him, it took me more to reply to his messages. Soon I decided to quit everything, it was terrible for my mental health. But he always found a way to get back to me.

He didn’t want to quit this, but he also didn’t want to go into anything serious.

He always had a reason not to commit. In the beginning, it was ‘I just broke up with a girlfriend,’ after that ‘We don’t live in the same city, I can’t be in a long-distance relationship,’ and similar.

We were in a vicious circle. We fight, we don’t talk for months, then we get back to each other. And the flame never disappeared.

It lasted for three years.

A few months ago, he told me he was seeing someone else, that he was falling in love and wanted to try serious with that girl. He told me he wanted us to be friends, meaning no sexting or occasionally meeting.

I was pissed. Something has been happening between us for years, he never wanted anything serious, and now he is telling me he wants to be in a relationship with someone he just met. And she was 10 years younger than him.

I told him to fuck off and that we could never be friends.

He called me, we talked for hours. It was actually the first time we had an honest conversation. Before that, I was never sure if he actually had feelings for me. From the talk, I realized that he did, but it didn’t mean anything at that moment. He kept telling me that he didn’t want to lose what we had, he was almost begging me to stay. But the reality was that he chose another over me, and I couldn’t accept that.

I told him that I wanted to end this, and I was sure this time. I didn’t want to lose my self-respect. If I don’t care about myself, who will?

What did I learn?

This was a terrible experience for my mental health. If I could go through it all again, I would read the signs better from the beginning. There were many red flags that I shouldn’t have ignored. I’d save myself from the pain.

Remember, don’t get involved if someone plays hot and cold and always has reasons not to go into anything serious. Play it casually, or don’t play at all, you will save yourself from the pain.

There are people with whom it just can’t work. They are afraid of commitment or have other reasons, and despite the chemistry between you two, it’s just a failure from the beginning. Don’t overthink and hope it will change, you will just end up with a broken heart.