Dealing with a narcissist is often a tough job. They are stubborn, they like to cross people’s boundaries, they don’t have empathy for others, they always put themselves first.
With this one tip you can make relationships with narcissists less complicated and save your time energy, and in the end, protect your heart from breaking.
Have realistic expectations
It’s the simplest, but the hardest tip to achieve. You have to accept that narcissists won’t ever change.
If you are pretty sure that the person you are dating is a narcissist, you must have realistic expectations.
I was dating narcissists a few times. I tend to fall for self-confident, a bit arrogant, cold and introverted men, and these guys usually have narcissistic characteristics too.
Imagine Don Draper from Mad Men. He is a good-looking, self-confident, handsome, and successful guy, but he is very hard to handle because basically, he is a narcissist. He occasionally meets the clinical description of narcissistic personality disorder — grandiosity, lack of empathy, and obsession with one’s own power.
He is a cheater and an alcoholic, too.
With this type of people, you must follow some rules, but the good part is that narcissists are predictable and you will learn fast how to cope with them.
Here are the most common characteristics of narcissists and what to do about it.
1. They are always right, and they never apologize
They think they are right about everything. Fighting with a narcissist is impossible. There is no compromising because they believe that only their opinion matters.
The best thing you can do is to avoid fights consciously. The less you fight back, the less power you can give them over you.
2. They are controlling
But subtly. You won’t notice it at first, you will slowly start following their rules. You will go out when they want and where they want. When they need you, you will always be there, but they will say you are needy and weak when you need them.
It’s a manipulation. Narcissists are masters at getting what they want, and they don’t care what it costs to someone else.
Ask yourself if your needs are met. Focus on your life, not on satisfying their needs. They will always ask for more, and you will feel totally exhausted and empty in the end.
3. Everything is about them
They lack empathy. A narcissist will always say cruel things and hurt you, absolutely unaware of your feelings. And when you try to explain how you feel, they will argue and accuse you of the problem.
When you share a personal issue, they will change the topic, acting cold and distant. They aren’t good listeners at all. They can even become annoyed and impatient.
You will always feel alone in these relationships because there is a lack of closure and understanding. Narcissists are afraid of intimacy, and they will find an escape route if the conversation starts to feel too intimate.
4. They are never a hundred percent involved in a relationship
Like Don Draper, they always have the escape route. Deep down, these guys are insecure and afraid of commitment. Their biggest fear is for you to see their weak spot. They run away, they fall into unhealthy behaviors like drinking, doing drugs, and cheating.
Unfortunately, the chances are low that they will face their problem. They usually go from one relationship to another with a mess in their head.
Please accept that you can’t change a narcissist. You can only accept them for who they are and deal with it. Only a professional can help them and give advice on how to deal with it, and it’s a long journey.
Ask yourself if you are ready for this challenging game with a narcissist?
Narcissists are very easy to fall in love with but very hard to handle.
If you are already in the game, you must accept that they will never change. It’s hard to do it, but once you accept this rule, you will breathe more easily and never let them cross your boundaries again.